Some Things I Learned as an Adjunct English Professor (in my first semester teaching)

(In no particular order)

1. Too much exposure to passive voice can make one delusional.

2. Know your physical peripheries: the desk is in the same place as it is always in, be aware of its placement in relation to your body. You can and will bounce off of it (and it's best to call yourself out on this... somehow).

3. Do not attempt to scale a random bag of potting soil at 8 a.m. Sprained ankles hurt and the focus on teaching is lost when body parts throb.

4. Set three alarms for 8 a.m. classes.

5. Many will fail to tell you when you are teaching with your jacket on inside out/ turn on the light in the morning when getting dressed.

6. ALWAYS check the marker you are writing on the board (it may be permanent and permanent markers do not erase easily-- even with cleaning agents).

7. Just buy a parking permit (the $12 it costs for the semester is MUCH cheaper than the endless quarters fed into the meter/ parking tickets collected).

8. Smart classrooms are at times possessed and not much can be done about it.

9.Do not leave glasses of red wine near ungraded papers.

10. If you are low on parking meter change, but have a few dollar bills, you can stick them in the Coke machine and hit cancel, and get quarters in return.

11. When the sun shines in classroom windows, the shadows on the white board can be really beautiful.

12. Boots without traction are a bad idea when lecturing.

13. Running after the meter maid and waving your arms in the air, shouting, "I'm coming. Don't ticket my car. Please don't ticket my car" can work as a method to avoid getting a ticket.

14. It's nearly impossible to grade with a pug dog on your lap.

15. Red ink is both powerful and intimidating.

16. Grading takes a lot of freaking time, and snacks are a good interruption.

17. The phrase, "Just kidding," has the potential to erase what you've just said.